Family Cures For Winter Blues

The mid-winter blues didn't come out of the blue. Driving back from Milwaukee I realized the earth and sky had both been the same shade of gray for as long as I can remember. Even my bright blue VW bug is that same gray color after being covered with white road salt and then darkened with road grime. You'd think after a half century of living in Wisconsin I'd be used to winter. But it's still depressing to think the only color we see outside besides gray is yellow snow. And with my current workload, the only green space I can get to is the mold growing under my bathroom sink. Why mold is also growing inside my right ear is currently boggling the medical community. After prescribing antibiotic eye drops for my ear problems, they sent me to the drug store for a more unorthodox treatment. I don't need a prescription, just the nerve to ask the female pharmacist how best to dispense three drops of jock itch treatment into my right ear. Adding to the winter of my discontent is my annual sinus infection. Last night I tried the saline pot the ENT nurse told me to pour into one nostril so it would come out the other. My sinuses were so plugged that the salt water came out my left eye. I miss having Mom's advice on health issues.

Dad comes up with some great cures though. In fact, he invented saline sniffing as a cold and sinus treatment. Some of Dad's other medical cures include Crazy Glue for cuts, chlorine bleach for skin problems, and who could forget his cure for teeth stained from years of pipe smoking and blackjack gum chewing, the ever popular brushing your teeth with Comet. I imagine the taste is worse than having your mouth washed out with Dial soap. Mom introduced me to that practice after my creative use of some of the words you can't say on TV. Fortunately Dad's teeth enamel was saved when he showed off his brighter smile to his dentist who immediately put a stop to it.

I suspect my family’s desire to find creative healthcare solutions may be genetic. I shave with women's cold cream, use fruit-infused shampoo on my entire body, and put Vaseline soaked cotton balls in my ears to keep water out while showering. It may also be compounded by Seasonal Affect Disorder. My older brother uses a special light to beat the winter blues while reading the newspaper. As a kid he devised an ingenious system to avoid second hand smoke on long road trips in the station wagon. He’d put his jacket over his head, shove his face into the armpit, and feed the sleeve out a crack in the window for his own steady supply of fresh air. But Dad is still the father of invention. When I saw him last night for dinner, he pulled out a tube of VO5 hair dressing and carefully applied a glob to the inside of each nostril. "A little dab will do 'ya?" I declined despite his claims that it’s a “wonderful moisturizer.” I guess winter in Wisconsin inspires us all to adapt as best we can. Some families are just more inspired than others.

- Submitted by a winter and family survivalist